Our culture tells two opposite stories at once—sex is nothing and sex is everything. Add a third lie—sex is about me—and you have a discipleship disaster. Scripture offers a saner, happier vision that treats sex as sacred, situated in covenant, and profoundly other‑oriented.
Lie #1: “Sex is no big deal.”
If we’re merely clever animals, instincts are in charge. Experience becomes enlightenment. “Casual” becomes kind. But Scripture insists sex is more than physical; it’s integrative—body, emotion, spirit (Gen. 2:24; 1 Cor. 6:16–20). This is why betrayal hollows us out. You didn’t just break a boundary; a bond was torn. Christians have guardrails not because we despise sex, but because we regard it as sacred. Sacred things have borders. Borders make beauty livable.
Better Story: Sex carries covenantal meaning. The Scripture’s language of “knowing” (Gen. 4:1) signals depth, not mere contact. Guardrails aren’t arbitrary; they protect intimacy, not prevent it. Like fire in a fireplace, sex warms the house; on the curtains, it burns it down.
Lie #2: “Sex is everything.”
Modern self‑worship turns strong internal feelings into sovereign commands. Sexual identity is treated like the highest form of ID. But it isn’t. Your true ID is citizenship in the Kingdom (Phil. 3:20; 1 Pet. 2:9–10). When sex becomes a god, it cannot be a gift. We force it to carry identity‑weight it was never designed to bear and then blame God when it buckles.
Better Story: Sex is good, but not ultimate. It fits within a larger calling to love God and neighbor (Matt. 22:37–40). A Costco card is great—just not at TSA. Likewise, sexual identity is a real card in your wallet; it is not the passport of your soul.
Lie #3: “Sex is about you.”
Your urges. Your fantasies. Your performance. Your body count. The world promises fulfillment through self‑focus and then quietly admits we are lonelier than ever. Even secular research keeps bumping into Scripture’s old wisdom: the most satisfying sexuality is radically other‑oriented (1 Cor. 7:3–5). Self‑gift, not self‑absorption, is the path to joy.
Better Story: Sex is for us but (mostly) not about us. God made it pleasurable—yes—but He also made it purposeful: to cultivate unity, confirm vows, welcome life, and protect each other from the enemy’s schemes. The Scriptural picture refuses both trivialization and idolization.
"Christians don’t have guardrails because we think sex is small; we have guardrails because we believe sex is sacred."
Practicing the Better Story
- Name your liturgies. What songs, shows, or environments disciple your desires?
- Pursue friendship. Great marriages aren’t built on sex alone; they’re built on friendship (Song 5:16).
- Choose community. Don’t fight alone. Invite two or three trusted saints to pray and ask real questions.
- Rehearse identity. Say it out loud: I belong to Jesus. My body and desires are not ultimate; He is (1 Cor. 6:19–20).
Questions for Reflection
- Which lie feels most persuasive in your heart? Why?
- What habit could you change this week that would move sex out of the “god” category and back into “gift”?
A Simple Prayer
Pray this simple prayer daily this week: “Jesus, reorder my loves. Teach me to treat your gifts as gifts, not gods.”